Cat are not dumb animals. They are stubborn, pig headed, obnoxious, rude, snarky, snotty, and twisted...but not dumb.
This post comes after many days of Rocky walking on my computer, or rubbing up against my computer causing the screen to get pushed down... and in turn... annoying the crap out of me.
I have attempted to ignore him, remove him, toss him gently away, call him a fucktard, ask him politely to remain off my keyboard, distracted him with treats, toys, catnip, scolded him and wagged my finger at him sternly telling him to stop!
Nothing has worked.
I can't remove him from the room...
If I put him in a cage he may get upset and stop eating... then not get enough water.. then get blocked...then I would hate myself.
He has me over a barrel.
He knows I really can't do anything.
So nothing changes.
Maybe he just does not understand - maybe he can not recall previous instructions?
Bullshit.
He has woken me up every night between 4:38am and 4:44am.. because for the first few nights when he was sick I would wake up and feed him to make sure he was getting enough water and was not straining again..
So the jerk can remember that!
He meows in my face and pats my head until I wake up.
I am not good at falling back asleep fast so even though I have refused to feed him.. I am awake for a good 45 min.
So that is 1.
If I explain every story this will take forever.. so I will just state things cats that I have dealt with seem to refuse to learn.
2. Sebby refuses to learn that I dislike it when he sits on the back of my chair and puts his back paw on my shoulder... I have no idea why this bugs me.. but it does.
3. Every cat refuses to learn that walking across the pillow and stepping on my hair seriously pisses me off.
4. Only Sebby has refused to learn that if he tries to scratch the ottoman he will 100% of the time get his nail caught and flip the ottoman over.
5. Cubby refuses... or in his case probably forgets... that meowing in the middle of the night is highly annoying!
6. Stealing is not okay.
7. Reaching right onto my plate and taking food while I am eating is not okay.
8. People do not like cat butts in their face.
9. Humans can not see well in the dark
10. Cats make for bad carpets.
11. Walking in front of a human as they walk down the stairs.. then stopping.. may be detrimental to their health.
12. Eating string, tinsel, hair, fur, tape, paper, or any other tiny materials.. has no food value.
13. I can not see through them.
14. The word No
15. The word Stop
16. Words other than food or treat.
17. That they are not monkey ninjas
Things they have learned.
1. The world revolves around them
2. Humans deliver food
3. Humans clean poop
4. Humans clean hairballs, vomit..
5. Humans are warm.
6. Beds are comfortable
7. Purring lulls us into submission
8. Humans are clumsy beasts
9. Fridges contain food.
10. can openers make food appear.
11. Staring at humans and meowing while standing by their food bowl = more food
12. They are internet stars
13. They are fantastic actors.
14. They could teach classes in drama.
15. As long as they are cute they can get away with walking on the humans hair and face
16. That humans will do anything they can to make their felines happy
17. They have found a way to hide their happy
18. Mind Control, is highly possible
19. That humans truly have no idea what they are thinking
20. Persistence is key - but avoidance always works
21. That their cuteness allows them to get away with almost anything
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The cats would like to hear from the humans.