It's not me, it's you.

Human
Sebby
Cubby
Willow


**********



If a cat could actually talk, I guarantee you they would never apologize for anything and truly mean it. 

On some level a cat would always believe it was not their fault. 

Human Error.

Well have you ever heard of the term 'Cat Error'?

No.

Case closed. 

I have heard of  'Scaredy Cat & Copy Cat'

Propaganda, created by dogs due to their inability to be awesome. 

Having spent countless hours around cats, I can assure you that those two things are very true.

Are you saying I am a scaredy cat? 

No, you are more of a jackass.

I am a gentleman.

Gentleman Jackass.
You are constantly teaching the foster kittens bad things. 

If you don't like the smell of something, like icy cool gel for back pain. You attack the person wearing it. Which is ME!


I am trying to save you. There is evil in that jar. Pure stinky evil!

Wrong.

If I am not paying attention to you and start paying attention to Cubby, you attack him.

Cubby says bad things about you when you are not around. 

No, I say bad things about you.. 


You can only handle one brand of cat nip. Any other and you attack everything.

I can not be blamed for my catnip intolerance.



I am sensing a theme here. 
Maybe Sebby needs anger management?

There is no human dumb enough to teach a cat anger management course.


You try and steal my food. 

You steal my clothes and drag them downstairs. 

If something is in your way, you will knock it over. 

What do you have to say for yourself? 



Stop using that stinky stuff, pay attention to me, only buy cosmic catnip, share your food, put your clothes away, and clear me a path to everywhere. 

Clearly these are your issues. 

Clearly. 



Why do you feel the need to sit on my head and try to lick my eyelids when I am trying to sleep?

Why are you sleeping when you could be awake and petting me?

You have an answer for everything.

I am the answer for everything. 

I take that back, you are not a jackass. You are a smartass. 

I gotta be me.

What are you doing?

What do you mean?

 Stop it!

Stop what?

Those are unauthorized pictures!

Oh? my bad

 I did not give you permission to post those!

I understand what unauthorized means Sebby.
Problem is...
I own them.
And you.

Fine.


 












Fine what?

Sorry!

That's my boy.

Mean.. just.. Mean. 

Ocupado

                      Human
                      Willow
                      Sergeant

 *********************


 





<-------Willow

 <--------Sergeant







Um, someone is in here!

Occupied !

Ocupado!

I am aware Willow. There are no doors. 

Well than vacate the premises Human! 

I was here first, trying to clean. 

Well I have to go! 

Than go! 

Privacy ! 

You got none! 

No fair ! 

Whats no fair is none of you even attempt to clean up after yourself. 

I hide it. 

That's fantastic, thank you. Now learn to scoop it. 

Sorry no thumbs. 

You still wouldn't. 

You are probably right. We have to keep you humans humble. 

Interesting since there is no such thing as a humble cat.

Do I not play with pop bottle lids and straws which saves you money and shows you I don't need fancy toys? 

True, but I am still trying to use these things..and you steal them.

Distinction without a difference. 

Could you at least turn around? 

Could you wait till I am done? 

No! I waited till you started cleaning.. I can wait no more. 

Go downstairs. There are more boxes just waiting for you to use them. 

They aren't clean. 

I am cleaning them next. 

I will wait for you than. 

Fine. 

Can you hurry up?

Outta the way! 

Why is it Grand Central whenever I try to clean. 

Uh, do you mind? 

Yes. I actually do! All of you get your furry little butts out of the way. You can use it after I am done cleaning.

Mean. 

****************

Speaking of litter boxes, which is best? which is worst?
Do cats actually want privacy?
Does the type of litter make a difference ?

I can let you know what has worked in my house.. and what works best for the stinky stinky kittens
Are you talking about us?
Noooooo
(yes)
First off, the litter!
Yes it makes a difference !! When we have the small kittens that play in the litter or try and eat it....kittens are strange...
For them I have to use a Non Clumping litter like this ...

 

When they get past the weirdo silly baby stage I use this...

 

 
If I could afford it, I would rather use this...

All of these lovely products can be found at Pet Valu
I do not get paid to endorse this store.. though it would be cool if I was.. they could pay me in litter.

As for litter boxes...
Check out my Catopia page... there are a few on there that are amusing.

For everyday kitty life, a basic litter box does the trick, or a covered litter box. They even have some that have higher sides but the low entrance and no hood.

The sky's the limit..
Seriously, you could spend a small fortune on fancy litter boxes.. only to find out that Fluffy is claustrophobic.

I have no idea if a cat could be considered that, or if it's just the inability to see 360 degrees around themselves. I would go with the 360 theory.

First of many - Conversations With Sebby...Topic: We are not Dogs ( part 1)

                                                                                                      Human
                                                                                                      Sebby

You made me green right? I look good in green.

Yes.

You better have!

Clam it or I will make you Pink.

Pft I look good in Pink too.
I was kidding no pink!!!!!!

Behave then.

You're no fun.


Okay...moving on, today's topic?
HUMANS

Really?

Yes you must learn.. and your people need to learn.

Learn what?

Learn how to be better humans.

And you are going to teach us that?

Well, it has been left up to humans for this long and ..well...read the news.

Valid point.

They all are.

Not all.

You are entitled to your opinion. 

Anyways...moving on.. 

Tell us something we need to know.

Okay, first lets cover why Cats are not Dogs.
The cat is a delicate and graceful creature...

Yes absolutely, I watched you gracefully fall off the back of the chair the other day.

A human made chair. 
Now let me finish

Go on...

Cats, unlike dogs are not pack oriented beasts. We do not feel the need to make friends with other cats. We do not really want to make friends with random strange cats so please do not just put one in our face and freak out when we try to scratch the shit out of said kitty. 

But you get along with the other cats I have and I see you nuzzling the foster kittens.

Well, I have to live with the 'others' and you tell me how cute I am when you see me nuzzling the tiny fosters. Oh and we get more wet food when the fosters are here, so the 'others' and I decided it was in our best interest to play nice. 

So you can be nice, you just choose not to be nice with strange kitties?

There is no need to be nice to randoms. They do nothing for me. 

Okay, so what you are saying is that trying to introduce cats for no valid reason, other that because we just want Fluffy to say hi to Mittens is a bad idea?

It  is actually rather stressful to us. We feel the need to put on a front that we are fearless and mighty. When we really just want to go home and nap. 

So, when we have to take you to places like the Vet or maybe the groomers or for some reason we have to have you out with us, you would suggest to just leave you in your carrier instead of trying to mingle you with other people or animals?

Give the human a cookie!

Gee thanks Sebby, but I was already aware cats are snobs.

Hmm.. I could have just said that eh? Do not try to force your cat to make friends.. Cats are snobs. 

Maybe, but it would have been a rather short post.

True but you could fill it with pictures of me! I am awesome... 

Indeed.

Sarcasm?

No.

Good, wait was that sarcasm?

Maybe.

Luke was right, you are mean.

That's right, I am fantastic!

Click here to read up on kitty social structure