A Cats Prerogative

Human
Rocky
Sebby

*************


Hey, hey , hey heyheyheyhey HEY!

Lemme alone.. No nononono

I don't wanna

No don't wanna

Hey hey hey hey no no nooooo

Stop, I don't wanna go! 

You have to go Rocky! Stop running around.

No I am perfectly fine! 

All better!

You were hallucinating.
There is nothing wrong with my belly.

You know very well this happens every summer. 

Summers over. You are to late. Must leave it now.

Stop right now!

No thank you!

Crap. 

Dammit!

I always catch you. You just upset yourself. 

It's my prerogative.

I don't wanna go! I don't wanna!

No no no no no no no.

Rocky stop!

Never!

This is cat napping!

Give it up.
And its nabbing, not napping. 

Lets just go back. 

Please?!

No.

Come on!

No. 

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What!

We can still leave. 

We are not leaving till you see the vet.

I wanna go home! 

I wanna go home!  I wanna go home! 

I wanna go home!  I wanna go home! 

I wanna go home!  I wanna go home! 

Holy crap Rocky! Enough! 

I wanna go.. Oops..

What?

Nothing. 

It's our turn. 

Booo

Ahh Rocky!

Sorry.

I got it all over me. 

Sorry.

See what happens when you get so upset? 

Sorry sorry sorry.

It's okay, I will clean it up. It's just pee. 

I hate this. 

We are almost done. 

Ouchy

Good boy, you did great. 

Yeah, needles don't scare me. People places and things scare me.. But not needles. 

Tough guy eh.

Toughest. 

Toughest chicken I know!

Hey! 

Are we there yet?
Are we back yet? 
Huh are we?? 
Hey human pay attention to me. 
Now now now now hey hey hey HEY!

WHAT?!

Thanks. 

You're welcome. 

Love ya!

Love you too.

Now run.. Leeyah wants to chase you. 

.

Ack!!

See you later.

Back off doggie breath!

**************************

Rocky

That picture makes me look fat, I don't like it. 
Post the baby one, when I just got home from the vet after my eye surgery.
I am all sad and adorable. 

Aren't you gonna tell them what happened to me and my brothers?

I can. 
I found a litter of kittens under a bunch of garbage and boards out in the bushes behind a rather crappy neighbourood. 

There were 5 in total. 
Rocky, Apollo, Creed, Jesse, and James.

A few of them had some open sores on them, that we had treated at the vet. 

Unfortunately, James had more internal issues that we were unaware of and he passed away. 

The remaining kittens, including Rocky had to deal with being exposed to pesticides.   
This was more than 10 years ago, so it was still legal to use the highly toxic pesticides.

Rocky no longer had the use of his one eye. It had ulcerated so badly that it was destroyed with zero chance of regaining any sort of vision. 

This tiny little kitten had to have his eye removed and then the eye socket closed as if he never had a second eye. 

Glad you did not post the before picture. 

Never, nobody needs to see that. It's too sad.

And icky.

Yes, also icky. 


I adopted Rocky. Technically my family adopted him. I was still living at home at the time. I think this was in 1999 or 2000?

Apollo and Creed were adopted together. 

Before I could adopt out Jesse, he came down with Pneumonia.
I do not recall it ever being just a cold, or the cat version of the flu. It was bad. 

I wonder if the pesticides had compromised his lungs? or his ability to fight off this serious infection. 

After spending a few nights sleeping on the floor in the bathroom with him.. giving him IV fluids and force feeding him small amounts of food and supplements as directed by the vet. Jesse passed away in my arms. 
He went peacefully. 
His heart must have failed. 
He did not gasp for air..I am very thankful for that.
I hope he knew I was there with him.

You never forget do you?

I forget so many things on a day to day basis, but the suffering or sadness of an animal tends to imprint on my brain. 


If the person at the beginning just brought us to the Humane Society, or called and asked for help. Instead of dumping us in the bushes this never would have happened. 

I know, it sickens me. 

Some people suck. 

They sure do.

Not you though, I am glad you found us. 

Thanks baby boy.

I am 13 pounds and like 15 years old! When will you stop calling your baby boy?

Never.

I'm okay with that.





**********************************




Hey human...

I know.

You smell..

I know.

Like cat pee!

I KNOW! 

I don't like it. 

Yes Sebby, I know. 

Fix it.

It's not me, it's you.

Human
Sebby
Cubby
Willow


**********



If a cat could actually talk, I guarantee you they would never apologize for anything and truly mean it. 

On some level a cat would always believe it was not their fault. 

Human Error.

Well have you ever heard of the term 'Cat Error'?

No.

Case closed. 

I have heard of  'Scaredy Cat & Copy Cat'

Propaganda, created by dogs due to their inability to be awesome. 

Having spent countless hours around cats, I can assure you that those two things are very true.

Are you saying I am a scaredy cat? 

No, you are more of a jackass.

I am a gentleman.

Gentleman Jackass.
You are constantly teaching the foster kittens bad things. 

If you don't like the smell of something, like icy cool gel for back pain. You attack the person wearing it. Which is ME!


I am trying to save you. There is evil in that jar. Pure stinky evil!

Wrong.

If I am not paying attention to you and start paying attention to Cubby, you attack him.

Cubby says bad things about you when you are not around. 

No, I say bad things about you.. 


You can only handle one brand of cat nip. Any other and you attack everything.

I can not be blamed for my catnip intolerance.



I am sensing a theme here. 
Maybe Sebby needs anger management?

There is no human dumb enough to teach a cat anger management course.


You try and steal my food. 

You steal my clothes and drag them downstairs. 

If something is in your way, you will knock it over. 

What do you have to say for yourself? 



Stop using that stinky stuff, pay attention to me, only buy cosmic catnip, share your food, put your clothes away, and clear me a path to everywhere. 

Clearly these are your issues. 

Clearly. 



Why do you feel the need to sit on my head and try to lick my eyelids when I am trying to sleep?

Why are you sleeping when you could be awake and petting me?

You have an answer for everything.

I am the answer for everything. 

I take that back, you are not a jackass. You are a smartass. 

I gotta be me.

What are you doing?

What do you mean?

 Stop it!

Stop what?

Those are unauthorized pictures!

Oh? my bad

 I did not give you permission to post those!

I understand what unauthorized means Sebby.
Problem is...
I own them.
And you.

Fine.


 












Fine what?

Sorry!

That's my boy.

Mean.. just.. Mean. 

Unlawful Confinement

     Human
     Zulu
     Charlie
     Willow
     Sebby
     Cubby
 *******************

Let me out let me out let me out!!!

Chill Zulu.

Nooooo let me out!! 

Yeah, I am with him on this one.. LET US OUT!

Will you calm down. It hasn't even been an hour.

That's 80 miniutes to long!

Good thing you don't have to count as a cat.

It will not be much longer.

What the hell is going on?! I demand an explanation! 

You demand an explanation? 

Yes. I have talked it over with everyone and we have decided you owe us an explanation.. And treats.. And wet food.

Catnip. 

And catnip!

I gave you treats. You will get food later and no.

Why no?

Because you are annoying me! Now get away from the door and stop trying to pancake yourself to fit under the door. It will never happen.

Ignore these children, can you let us know whats going on? 

Zulu is about to spin his head and spit green stuff.

House stuff. There is someone coming into the house and I don't want you guys in the way.

Are you embarrassed of us? 

Yes.

Whaaat?

I'm kidding. I just don't need Sebby all up in the guys face trying to help and I have no idea what you guys would do.

Protect you of course. 

Oh ya, I would feel so protected with you fur balls.

Besides, Sebby is my guard kitty. If anyone would be allowed out it's him.

Outta my way.. My human needs me. 

Not so fast. You are staying in here. 

Boooo

Wait.. Where is Cubby? 

Uhh

Where is he!

Another room?

Lies!

Ha ha

Shh

What? 

Nothing.

Not fair!

He's old, and is not inclined to help or run around all crazy.

Hes so gonna get it!

If anything happens to him NO wet food for anyone!

That does not seem fair!

You are right.

So we still get wet food?

No, I just agree its not fair.

Sebby if you do anything I will take your cape and pee on it.

You wouldn't

Wouldn't I?

Fine. The grumpy old man is safe.. For today.

When are we getting out?

When I let you out. 

Mean.


******************

A cat is a very unique creature.. by unique I may mean annoying at times.

If there is a closed door, you better open it. 
If you are in the bathroom, you better let them in.
If you close a door for any reason, you have to explain it.
If you go in a room and not let them in with you, how dare you!

Sometimes we have to herd them into an area - safety, sanity, sickness. There are many reasons why. 
So here are some things to add to their area of confinement 

She meant jail.

No I did not.

•  Scratching Post

Does not have to be elaborate, this one was actually a pretty good price..because it is rather light...because it is made out of basically cardboard like material. 

It does its purpose, may just have a shorter lifespan than something with
solid wood or even MDF.
 

• Roller Circuit

These toys are rather fun, and interactive. Also you can change it up.. kind of like the old hot wheels track!

• Crinkle Balls & Coils

It doesn't have to be these things, it could be any small toy. My felines fancy these

DO NOT  add any toys you do not feel would be safe for the kitties when you are not able to see them.
Any toys with a string - wands, elastic string that makes the toy bounce, toys you hang over the door, toys you hang on the door knob. 
These toys can, and have choked cats and kittens. 
If for some reason you put a collar on your cat - make sure it is a break away.
If you use flea collars - for the love of catnip...STOP...but at least take it off when you confine them.


*Water -  Food - Litter Box*

They better have not needed to be reminded of those things.

• If you are putting more than 3 cats in one room it would be a good idea to have at least 2 sets of those things. 

• Sometimes we have to put cats together that do not get along.. Give them both places to hide, something like a scratching post on one side of the room with a cubby.

On the other side of the room maybe a few boxes that are low enough for the cat to see out of, but high enough to feel like she is protected without being cornered. 

2 water and food dishes - you will  be dividing the room in to two imaginary spaces.
2 Litter boxes - If one cat is more aggressive than the other you may want to keep it basic, no hooded litter boxes. The cat could get cornered and then the fur could fly.   

*********************
They will all still complain- It is their job. 


I decided it would be simpler to just find everything on Amazon.ca. This means only one link.

Amazon  

The scent of a bunny

            Human
            Tango
            Charlie
            Willow
            Sebby
            Cubby
            Zulu
********************

You smell bunny, I mean funny. 

You were right the first time. 

Huh? 

I believe you are smelling a bunny. 

Nooo did we get a bunny? 

I want a bunny!!

Oooo a bunny!!

Where ? Where!? 

No bunnies here, sorry. 

Boo!

Ya boo! 

You have never even seen a bunny!

All the more reason to get a bunny! 

No bunnies! 

Arg fine! Then why do you smell like one? 

We rescued one today. 

Rescued? Like us? 

Kinda. You guys were born under a patio, your mother was a wild kitty. She did not have her own humans. 

She didn't? 

No, at least she hasn't had them in the past 3 or so years.

Okay, tell us about the bunny.

Alright. We got a call about these people who moved, leaving their indoor pet bunny and kitty behind. 

They left them?!? Like for a few hours right? 

No, like forever. 

What! Nooo!! Why? Why would they do that???

Well, some humans suck. 

They certainly do!

Did they leave them in the house with food and water and blankies? 

Nope. 
They apparently just let them out and took off.

But they were not wild, they were pets! 

Pets!!

Maybe the stupid humans were the wild ones! 

Highly possible. 

So you went there, right? 

Right. 

Were they waiting for you? 

Who, the humans? 

No! The bunny and kitty??

It's never that easy. 
They are scared. 
They don't understand we are there to help them. 

Why didn't you just tell them!?

Uh, cuz I can't actually speak to animals. 

Oh, ya.. I keep forgetting that. 

We didn't even know what they looked like, just that one was a cat and one was a bunny. 

So we started looking around... What a crap hole of a yard. 
They must have had chickens, pigs, goats.. 
A small farm. 

I want a pet goat! 

Why Cubby?

Body Guard. I will teach it to kick Sebby. 

Heard that! 

Don't care!

You should! 

Enough! 

Anyways, there were building supplies all over, broken pool toys, chairs.. 
A real mess. 

We spotted the kitty. A solid dark grey cat with a flea collar. 

Ewe!

No kidding. 

Before we could set up a live trap the kitty had taken off into the field. 

Those live trap thingies work well. That's how you caught Sergeant, Zulu and Mom. 

Yup. 

We set up the traps for kitty, but did not see it again.
 We have to try again another day.

Poor kitty! Think it's scared? 

Yes, but at least we left it food and water, also it can get into the garage if it wants to.

Did you trap the bunny? 

That would have been much simpler if bunnies didn't hop into things. It would have set the trap off at the wrong time, bunny could have been hurt. 

Oh, so how do you catch a bunny? 

Good question... 

----> after searching humane rabbit traps and noticing they are all Live Traps.. like the ones we use to catch cats..I realize we may just be stupid...I will add more info as I learn it. Chances are high that yes... we are stupid. <-------

I guess we could have looked that information up prior. 

Instead, we tried herding the bunny into a carrier. 

Ah, so was bunny part sheep? 

Did sheep herding work on a bunny? 

There are many animals that you herd.

Bunnies? 

Not really. 

Baaaa

So how did it work out? 

Not well. She kept going back under this poorly built structure.. The goat pen we think. 

Why didn't you block off the spots? 

Are you going to let me finish or just keep asking questions? 

Bunny Herding makes you bitchy. 

Anyways... It took a few tries, bunny coming out, running around and finding other ways back under the pen. 

We finally caught her by scruffing the back of her neck then putting her into the carrier. 

Scruffing.. A cats kryptonite. 

A bunnies as well it seems. Except they freak out more. 

Bunny freak out! 

Luckily this bunny didn't.
 Its a pet, not a wild rabbit. 

More scared than anything. 

Awww a scared bunny, that makes me sad. 

Oh Sebby, sometimes you are such a softie. 

Am not! I just don't like it when animals are abandoned and scared. 

Me neither. 

So where is bunny now?

She is at someones house. Warm and safe, with food and water. 

And blankies and toys? 

Yes, with blankies and toys. 

What happens to bunny next? 

I am not sure, but she wont have to be scared and alone any longer. 

I love happy endings. 

Me too. 

Will you let us know when you get the kitty? 

Sure. 

Can we get a bunny? 

No. 

Kitty?

No.

Goat!!!

No.

Neutered? 

Yes.

Crap, thought you would keep saying no. 

Aww, is that the bunny? 

Yup.

Look at that cute bunny nose, and those cute bunny ears!

Does it have a name?

Yes, her name is Ivy.

I hope she finds a home soon!

Me too!



Live Traps, in case you ever need one or have never seen one!

This place does not sell those evil glue mouse traps!!!

Even we think those things are bad.. and we kinda torment mice for fun.

You really need to work on that.
I know.. mice are friends not food.





Sebby, I may have to change your colour.
What? why?

Because the green is neon and it hurts my eyes to read. 
Baby.
Really?
You made me pink again didn't you?



This will be your new colour from now on.
It's kinda camo green. I'm in the Army. I could be in the Army.. 
Maybe on the other side.

Mean

Ocupado

                      Human
                      Willow
                      Sergeant

 *********************


 





<-------Willow

 <--------Sergeant







Um, someone is in here!

Occupied !

Ocupado!

I am aware Willow. There are no doors. 

Well than vacate the premises Human! 

I was here first, trying to clean. 

Well I have to go! 

Than go! 

Privacy ! 

You got none! 

No fair ! 

Whats no fair is none of you even attempt to clean up after yourself. 

I hide it. 

That's fantastic, thank you. Now learn to scoop it. 

Sorry no thumbs. 

You still wouldn't. 

You are probably right. We have to keep you humans humble. 

Interesting since there is no such thing as a humble cat.

Do I not play with pop bottle lids and straws which saves you money and shows you I don't need fancy toys? 

True, but I am still trying to use these things..and you steal them.

Distinction without a difference. 

Could you at least turn around? 

Could you wait till I am done? 

No! I waited till you started cleaning.. I can wait no more. 

Go downstairs. There are more boxes just waiting for you to use them. 

They aren't clean. 

I am cleaning them next. 

I will wait for you than. 

Fine. 

Can you hurry up?

Outta the way! 

Why is it Grand Central whenever I try to clean. 

Uh, do you mind? 

Yes. I actually do! All of you get your furry little butts out of the way. You can use it after I am done cleaning.

Mean. 

****************

Speaking of litter boxes, which is best? which is worst?
Do cats actually want privacy?
Does the type of litter make a difference ?

I can let you know what has worked in my house.. and what works best for the stinky stinky kittens
Are you talking about us?
Noooooo
(yes)
First off, the litter!
Yes it makes a difference !! When we have the small kittens that play in the litter or try and eat it....kittens are strange...
For them I have to use a Non Clumping litter like this ...

 

When they get past the weirdo silly baby stage I use this...

 

 
If I could afford it, I would rather use this...

All of these lovely products can be found at Pet Valu
I do not get paid to endorse this store.. though it would be cool if I was.. they could pay me in litter.

As for litter boxes...
Check out my Catopia page... there are a few on there that are amusing.

For everyday kitty life, a basic litter box does the trick, or a covered litter box. They even have some that have higher sides but the low entrance and no hood.

The sky's the limit..
Seriously, you could spend a small fortune on fancy litter boxes.. only to find out that Fluffy is claustrophobic.

I have no idea if a cat could be considered that, or if it's just the inability to see 360 degrees around themselves. I would go with the 360 theory.

In.. on the outside

                                                                                                                      
                                                                                                                         Human
                                                                                                                         Sebby
.............................................................
What does that even mean?

What does what mean?

The title.. In on the outside. 

Oh, well I want to talk about The Cats Den.

Okay, but I still don't get it. 

Ya, because I have not talked about it yet. 

Well hop to it Human.

Bossy boy.

You meant to say.. I am the boss.

Not even a little. 

So what do you think of the outside?

It`s a magical place that I only see from windows or through the carrier door on the wonderful trips to the vet.

Why is it Magical?

Because it's a wonderful place with fun and happiness! 

Fun and happiness? 

Yes I just said that. 

Says who?

Cubby.

Cubby told you this?

Yes.

Cubby lied.

Why would he lie?

Oh I don't know.. did you corner him?

Maybe...

So yeah, Cubby lied. We found him in a stack of tires when he was 4 months old. hungry and scared.

Really? I kinda feel bad for the old guy.

Now who is lying?

Ha, me! What is he now like 50? 

14

Close enough.



Okay, so back on topic. 
Cat's want to go outside.. but they do not want to be on a leash or harness because they are jerks at times. 

True Dat

I think it's wrong to let your cat roam around the neighbourhood...using flowerbeds as litter boxes. Stalking and killing tiny animals for fun. Causing issues with other animals. And just being a pain in the ass in general. 

Could we get some tiny animals? 

No.

I also fear other humans, and vehicles. 
There are some evil people out there that set traps, or put out poison. They just dislike cats or like causing fear and harm. 
Vehicles.. even unintentionally can kill a cat in a second by hitting them as the animals crosses the road. Even the smartest cat can get spooked and bolt onto the road. 
It is different if you live on a large property and there are no neighbours around, or the cat stays on the porch. To each their own, but I say cats are better off indoors. 

The wind in my fur, the warm sun on my butt..

Pay attention Sebby.

What? oh.. ya sorry..continue.

So how do I give my cats the ability to be outside? with the safety of being inside? 
Habitat Haven The Cats Den
( borrowed these images from their site without permission, I am hoping they do not mind) 

  

I think I am in love!

 


 Well my budget is more like this.










  How about we split the difference?






How about you get a job?

I can't! you wont let me outside!

Where do you get these things? 

You can check it out by clicking here. 


I was checking out the photo gallery. They all look so wonderful. You have to get us one now. If you don't I will call PETA.. unlawful containment. 

Really? I will dial, you talk. 

Mean.