Who the hell is ...

Human

Sebby

Willow

Cubby

************

Human...

Feline...

I thought we had a deal?

What are you talking about?

You know what I am talking about, don't play dumb with me. 

What ever do you mean??

Human, you may be able to pull the wool over some kitties eyes.. but not mine!
I watched you bring him in. 
I can smell him. 
Hell, I could smell him before you even opened the door.. I'm a cat.. we have better smellers. 

Smellers eh.

Don't make fun of my kitty dialect. 

Kitty dialect? You are on a roll tonight Sebby.

What can I say, I am clever.. wait a minute stop tying to change the subject!

Cat..IN YOUR ROOM

There's a cat in my room? Who?

How am I suppose to know. 

Well if you don't know then what are you talking about?

I'm, you're trying to double talk me.. stop it. 

Sebby, are you getting paranoid again?
Do you think there is an FBI kitty in my room?
Or maybe a spy kitty?

Yeah I have a spy kitty in my room.

No! stop it ! You know exactly what I am talking about. 
Enough of this tomfoolery...

Yes I said tomfoolery...

Fine, yes there is a cat in my room.

And...

And what?

AND

And he is an intact adult male street kitty.

And what was our agreement? 

No adult males.

Technically no adults, but I allow the momma kitties when they are with their babies. 

You allow?

You want to see me not allow???

What are yous saying?

You are breaking the rules. 

They are my rules, I can break them if I like.
How would you like to live on the streets?
Not have a warm place to sleep?
Have to huddle close to anything warm just to stop from shivering?

How would you like to have frost bitten ears?
Scratches on your face from being in fights?
How would you like that the only reason you don't have fleas be because you were too cold for them to survive?

Well, I guess I wouldn't like it very much. 

No you wouldn't !

I am too pretty for street life. 

You are rather pretty.

Okay, so whats his name?

Archie.

How old is he?

Not sure, I would say 4 or 5

Where is he from?

Port 

Has he ever had a human?

Don't know, but he has been on the street for awhile now.

Poor kitty. 
Okay, I will let it slide.. seeing as it's really cold out. 
But you gotta get him neutered. 

I will, we couldn't get him in yet.

You can't let him out to play.
I'm not scared.. but he could try and fight.. then I would have to defend myself.. and ..


I have a reputation to uphold

HA!

Hey, what are you laughing at!

Your rep. 
You may be tough, but if someone steps on your tail, or even grazes your paws you cry like a baby. 

I do not!

Actually Sebby, you do.
You would get your furry little butt handed to you. 

I don't have to stand here and take this!

OWE WTF!

Sebby, seriously.. he was sleeping.  Don't take out your big babyness on a sleeping Cubby.

Nice, smack a 15 year old sleeping kitty.

Stop talking to me ! I am not talking to anyone anymore. You are all jerks! JERKS!

He is such a drama queen.

Pills and Kitty Rivalries

Human
Rocky
Sebby
Cubby
***********

How many years have you been pilling cats?

I know sorry!

How many??

At least 15.

Yet today you forgot?

I didn't forget.. It just missed the back of your throat and you ended up tasting it a bit.

A bit?

A lot.

I'm sorry!

Tell everyone what happens when a kitty tastes a bitter pill.

They foam at the mouth.

They foam at the mouth! You would think covering it in butter or coconut oil would be second nature by now.

But we had been doing so good. I would just toss it at the back of your throat.. Add a bit of water and tada!

So are you saying it's my fault?

What? No... Wait. Yes!

Really? 

You moved.

I'm a cat!

I'm a Human!

I really do not see how I can be blamed for this. 

I lack the proper appendages to pill myself. 

You could learn to sit still.

No.

Then we shall continue with the battle of the pill. 

2times a day. 

Tonight you cover it in coconut oil just in case.

You should thank me for slowly moving the time from 4:30am to 7:30am. 

I should?

Picture me trying to pill you every morning at 4:30am.

The others would think I was rabid.

Maybe they would leave me alone.

Tiny little freaks.

All up in my face. Trying to be cute.

Don't they know I'm your only baby?

Yes Rocky, you are my only baby.

What? 

Sebby, why are you listening at the door?

Apparently to find out I'm adopted.

That Rocky is your only baby. 

Who is that?

Is that the jerk I have been smelling?

Go away!

My Human!

No sharing!

Who does this dude think he is?

I'm Sebastian.

Who are you?

I'm Rocky.

I was Humans before you.

He was.

Rocky is that you?? It's me Cubby??

Rafter Boy??

Hey ! How you been?

What is this a seniors social club?

I may be old and have one eye but I could kick your furry ass from here to.. Um somewhere else!

Hows Raven??

Old.. Grouchy.. But good.

Now hes a kitty you don't wanna mess with.

No kidding. He could teach Sebastian a lesson.

You do realize I am still out here.

And I'm in here. I win.

Why is he in there??

Hes sick.

In the head? I bet it's in the head.

No! I'm not sick in the head! You asshat.

It's none of your business.

Is he always this much of a baby?

Uh...not always.

Thanks for sticking up for me bro. 

Sorry, but you gotta admit.. you play the baby card a lot. 

You play with the cards you got. 

I may not like the intruder, but I can understand his pill issues.  


Thank you, you're still an asshat. 

You are still a senior jerkface. 

Knock it off with the agism Sebby, it's not cool.  

Yeah! respect your elders!

Pft..respect this..
I can't see through the door you idiot.  

Human, open the door so I can flip him the bird. 

Sebby, you are never going to get off the naughty list. 

Me and Santa have an understanding.  

If these cats could txt - Sebby being dramatic